After our little episode, it seemed KO was trying very hard to prove a point. To show me I was more than just a friend. To prove to me that I was his woman. I woke up to text messages every morning where he called me the love of his life, his final bus-stop (lol), his everything, his woman, and more. KO. My KO. Even Laje started liking him.

Everytime I tired to leave her at home, or with my mom, she'd ask if I was going to see 'Mister' and if she could come with me. That girl! I have no clue why she decided to start calling him Mister. But that actually works for me. Because what is she to call him? Uncle KO? Mr. KO? Dad? Ok, I kid. Definitely not dad. Not just yet anyways.

How did I get so lucky? How is it that a guy in my own age group, a young guy, has accepted me with all my baggage?
Me, Fela, that was previously married to a married man that had a million other wives?
Me, Fela, with two children already?
Me, Fela, that accepted my fate that I would never find love?
How?

The other day, he suggested a movie date. And I got so excited, until he said the movie was at 3pm, and we were taking Laje. So really, it was a date for him and Laje to bond. I thought that was really sweet and cute. It was basically him establishing his place in our lives, and letting me know that he accepted me and the entire package I came with.

I used to pray for love. Now I pray more for protection. 'God please protect this man for me. Please keep him away from the vultures (you already know who they are). Please protect him from all harm. Please protect him from evil eyes. God please protect our relationship and what we have' This was now the theme of my prayers.

We started spending even more time together. He made it compulsory that we had breakfast together EVERY SINGLE DAY. So, I would drop Laje at school, and then head straight to his (or whatever cafe/restaurant we had agreed on) for breakfast. Only then, could I start my day. And one compulsory item on the breakfast menu everyday were his sweet kisses. KO. Oh, my KO. I keep waiting, and wondering when the honeymoon phase would end.

We have now reached month 10, and it is only getting deeper and better.  We are opening up FULLY to each other. I opened up my soul to him, and his to me. I shared all my darkest secrets with him, secrets that I almost couldn't share even with my own self. He quite easily has become the center of my world, MY EVERYTHING. My friendships are suffering. I barely hav time to breathe. Between Laje, Jr, and KO, all my time is taken.


F.O.

KO. The Latest.

I guess it's not fair for me to start the story and not finish it. The last I spoke of KO was when he friendzoned me. And then I went super cold on him. He'd call, and I'd return his call after 24 hours. He'd send whatsapp messages, I'd reply after 5-6 hours. I was sha trying to show him. Like how could he friend zone me? ME? And I was't going to start asking him to define us. Like "what are we?",  lol.  I remember seeing some dumb post on BBM (you know them memes) of a girl asking a guy 'What are we?' His response? 'We are the chosen generation, called forth to show his excellence'. LMAO.

Anyways, after about a week of that treatment, and of avoiding seeing him, he showed up at my house. I was driving Laje to school, (I had given the security guards instructions to never let him in again, oops) when I saw his car parked right outside of my apartment building. At that point, I completely forgot about everything, and all sorts of emotions started running through me. I parked, and he came to my window.

KO: Fela. What's going on? I haven't been able to reach you on the phone. I send you whatsapp messages, you don't respond. Yet I can see that you're online on whatsapp.
Me: Nothing. I've just been very busy.
KO: Oh, come off it Fela. Let's be adults about this. If there's something up, say so. If you're not interested anymore, say so. But don't just leave me in limbo!
*I sensed he was getting upset. So I let my guard down a bit*
Me: Okay. I need to get Laje to school. We're already running late. Can we have coffee in about an hour at Cafe Neo on Adeyemi Lawson?
KO: Fine. But please don't stand me up.
Me: Whatevs. Bye.

I dropped Laje at school, made a few runs to sort somethings out, and then ran back to Ikoyi to meet KO at Cafe Neo. Of course I was late. I was a whole 30 minutes late. But I didn't do it intentionally this time. Even though I kind of liked how relieved he was when he finally saw me walk in.

KO: I was just about to pay my bill and leave. I had accepted that you weren't going to turn up.
Me: I'm sorry. It was actually beyond my control this time. It wasn't intentional.
KO: So, what exactly is up? Why have you suddenly gone so cold on me?
Me: You friendzoned me.
*At this point I was done playing games. I was ready to just lay all the cards on the table and just figure out what was or wasn't*
KO: Friendzoned? I don't get? How? When? Huh?
*The confusion was written all over his face. And at this point, I was starting to get confused too. Was he acting?*
Me: Don't you remember how someone asked of me and you told them YOUR FRIEND was fine?
KO: Huh?
Me: And then the next day, as if to emphasize your point, you called me your friend again while we were on the phone.
KO: You have to be kidding! This is why you've been acting up? Oh my goodness! Fela, I didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean it like that. You are my friend, yes. But you're also more than just a friend to me. And you can't deny that you know how special you are to me. I mean, we've practically spent every other day together, and all our weekends have been together too. How or why would I friendzone you?
Me: I dunno. Yoruba demon syndrome?
KO: Wow. I'm actually disappointed and I think you owe me an apology! Even if I did friendzone you, why didn't you call me out on it? I mean, we're both adults here! If this relationship is going to work, you need to be open about your feelings. If you feel something, express it.
*Oh, he just acknowledged our relationship? I started to get all warm inside*
Me: ....silence....
KO: Say something
Me: *smiling*.....silence.....
KO: We are back to this deaf and dumb thing? I guess it's safe to say we're starting afresh. FELA I HAVE MISSED YOU. I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

At this point, we hugged each other and refused to let go. It was a very long hug, and I got so emotional I started to cry. It was tears of joy. Because this guy was PERFECT for me. And it really hurt me, as much as I didn't admit it, when I thought it wouldn't work out with him.

KO: You know what? What are your plans for the rest of the day? Take the day off and spend the entire day with me. It's been too long. I can arrange for someone to go with your nanny to pick Laje from school. Please say yes. PLEASE say yes.
Me: I don't think I have much of a choice. Oya, let's go.
KO: Actually, ride with me. Let my driver drive your car back to yours. And he can take your nanny to Laje's school when it's time. Call her now to let her know. And call your security to let him in. Fela, did I ever treat you bad? How could you tell your security not to let me in?
Me: I'm sorry
KO: I've never been so humiliated by a woman in my life. And still, I parked there and waited for you.
Me: I'm sorry
KO: The guy didn't even say it outright. But with the way he was acting, I deduced that you had asked him not to let me in. Shame on you for putting him in such a situation. I guess because of of the one-one thousand naira he's been getting from me, he couldn't say such to me.
Me: I'm sorry noooooow. Can we not talk about the past again, and focus on the future?
KO: Deal. I like the sound of the future.

We went over to his place. And he catered to my every need. How did I get so lucky?

F.O.

KO. The Latest.

I guess it's not fair for me to start the story and not finish it. The last I spoke of KO was when he friendzoned me. And then I went super cold on him. He'd call, and I'd return his call after 24 hours. He'd send whatsapp messages, I'd reply after 5-6 hours. I was sha trying to show him.

After about a week of that treatment, and of avoiding seeing him, he showed up at my house. I was driving Laje to school, (I had given the security guards instructions to never let him in again, oops) when I saw his car parked right outside of my apartment building. At that point, I completely forgot about everything, and all sorts of emotions started running through me. I parked, and he came to my window.

KO: Fela. What's going on? I haven't been able to reach you on the phone. I send you whatsapp messages, you don't respond. Yet I can see that you're online on whatsapp.
Me: Nothing. I've just been very busy.
KO: Oh, come off it Fela. Let's be adults about this. If there's something up, say so. If you're not interested anymore, say so. But don't just leave me in limbo!
*I sensed he was getting upset. So I let my guard down a bit*
Me: Okay. I need to get Laje to school. We're already running late. Can we have coffee in about an hour at Cafe Neo on Adeyemi Lawson?
KO: Fine. But please don't stand me up.
Me: Whatevs. Bye.

I dropped Laje at school, made a few runs to sort somethings out, and then ran back to Ikoyi to meet KO at Cafe Neo. Of course I was late. I was a whole 30 minutes late. But I didn't do it intentionally this time. Even though I kind of liked how relieved he was when he finally saw me walk in.

KO: I was just about to pay my bill and leave. I had accepted that you weren't going to turn up.
Me: I'm sorry. It was actually beyond my control this time. It wasn't intentional.
KO: So, what exactly is up? Why have you suddenly gone so cold on me?
Me: You friendzoned me.
*At this point I was done playing games. I was ready to just lay all the cards on the table and just figure out what was or wasn't*
KO: Friendzoned? I don't get? How? When? Huh?
*The confusion was written all over his face. And at this point, I was starting to get confused too. Was he acting?*
Me: Don't you remember how someone asked of me and you told them YOUR FRIEND was fine?
KO: Huh?
Me: And then the next day, as if to emphasize your point, you called me your friend again while we were on the phone.
KO: You have to be kidding! This is why you've been acting up? Oh my goodness! Fela, I didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean it like that. You are my friend, yes. But you're also more than just a friend to me. And you can't deny that you know how special you are to me. I mean, we've practically spent every other day together, and all our weekends have been together too. How or why would I friendzone you?
Me: I dunno. Yoruba demon syndrome?
KO: Wow. I'm actually disappointed and I think you owe me an apology! Even if I did friendzone you, why didn't you call me out on it? I mean, we're both adults here! If this relationship is going to work, you need to be open about your feelings. If you feel something, express it.
*Oh, he just acknowledged our relationship? I started to get all warm inside*
Me: ....silence....
KO: Say something
Me: *smiling*.....silence.....
KO: We are back to this deaf and dumb thing? I guess it's safe to say we're starting afresh. FELA I HAVE MISSED YOU. I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

At this point, we hugged each other and refused to let go. It was a very long hug, and I got so emotional I started to cry. It was tears of joy. Because this guy was PERFECT for me. And it really hurt me, as much as I didn't admit it, when I thought it wouldn't work out with him.

KO: You know what? What are your plans for the rest of the day? Take the day off and spend the entire day with me. It's been too long. I can arrange for someone to go with your nanny to pick Laje from school. Please say yes. PLEASE say yes.
Me: I don't think I have much of a choice. Oya, let's go.
KO: Actually, ride with me. Let my driver drive your car back to yours. And he can take your nanny to Laje's school when it's time. Call her now to let her know. And call your security to let him in. Fela, did I ever treat you bad? How could you tell your security not to let me in?
Me: I'm sorry
KO: I've never been so humiliated by a woman in my life. And still, I parked there and waited for you.
Me: I'm sorry
KO: The guy didn't even say it outright. But with the way he was acting, I deduced that you had asked him not to let me in. Shame on you for putting him in such a situation. I guess because of of the one-one thousand naira he's been getting from me, he couldn't say such to me.
Me: I'm sorry noooooow. Can we not talk about the past again, and focus on the future?
KO: Deal. I like the sound of the future.

We went over to his place. And he catered to my every need. How did I get so lucky?

F.O.

Why do people cheat?

Until you find yourself there, it's easy to judge.

It's easy to label cheaters as bad people.

Until you find yourself there, and you can't figure out how you got there.

You don't even know how to retrace your footsteps.

You just know you're lost, and you keep sinking deeper and deeper into it. And there's no way out.

Until it all blows up in your face. And then you're sober.

Maybe some people who cheat are actually really just bad people [read: Yoruba demons].

However, I now believe that a lot of good people also get caught up in cheating.

Maybe it's because you can't get everything from one person.

Maybe it's because one person cannot be everything to you.

And rather than give them grief about it, you go elsewhere to find the balance.

And then one thing leads to another. And you find yourself in two parallel relationships, and don't know how to get out.

Because each of them is now filling two very distinct but important needs. And you feel like you cannot live without either of them.

Or because you're really a good person and you can't stomach breaking a heart.

So you lead them both on, hoping the situation eventually fixed itself.

Why do people cheat?

What is that overpowering need that we so desperately look to fill?


FO.

The F Word.

No, not the one you're thinking. FRIENDZONE. Yes. I was friendzoned. I've know this guy for a little over four months now. We have date nights during the week, every week. We spend virtually all of the weekend together. We go everywhere together. We've been seen out in public A LOT. When we're not together, we talk/text constantly. We *insert the real F word*. We are constantly in touch; and each is constantly aware of what the other is doing.

He was at mine over the weekend (the kids have been spending a lot of time at grandma's). He spent the entire weekend with me. Friday evening until he went to work on Monday morning. On Saturday, we attended a wedding together. We ran into a few of his friends, and a few of mine. It was a great time. We were inseparable. I actually left him to go do his thing with his friends, but he didn't leave my side all night. So as far as anyone is concerned, we are an item.

Therefore, imagine my shock when he told me someone was asking about me and he told them 'his FRIEND was fine'. Like he had to stress that. I thought about t for a second, but told myself it was nothing. Then, the next day, he used the F word again. We were talking on the phone, and he went 'my friend my friend, you are too too funny'. At that point I wanted to say something. But I had to let it digest first.

After thinking about it for a few hours, I only have myself to blame. Why?

• He never said he was my boyfriend. We never had 'the talk' to make it official. And I've heard and read over and over in lagos that you DO NOT assume a guy is yours until he looks you in the eyes and says he is. 
• We went out together a lot, but he never took me to certain places. I guess those are the places that counted. The places where his friends proper would be. 
• In person, he'd express himself 100%. We talked about every and anything under the sun. He expressed emotions. However, when I tried to express emotions on bbm, he never reciprocated.  He always changed the topic. 
• I made myself too available to him from the beginning. I guess there are benefits to fronting and giving guys a hard time. 

Without further ado, I changed his name on my phone to 'do not pick'. I don't even want to have the conversation with him because I'm already embarrassed as it stands. So I'll just ignore him and move on like it never happened. It just sucks that I actually saw a future with him. But I won't even play the victim or say he used me or anything like that. I'll just learn my lesson (and hope that you do too). This will never happen to me again. 

F.O.

We be all night...

I knew KO's kisses would get me in trouble. I just knew it. The next time we met up, we did drinks. I had three glasses of rosé and that was it. I wasn't drunk. But I wasn't as uptight as I usually am. Yes, even I know I can be very uptight. He insisted he wouldn't let me drive home by myself in that condition, so he asked me to come over to his for a little while since we were on his street. I knew Laje would be in bed already anyways, since it was already 11pm, so there was no reason to rush home.

When we got to his, I couldn't help but notice how stunning the decor was. He definitely paid a lot of attention to detail in setting the place up. Or he paid the right person. Whatever the case, he has very good taste. We settled down side by side on the three-seater, and he offered me some water. One minute I was drinking a glass of water, the next minute our lips were interlocked. It was that kiss of life, again. Why, oh why, has no one ever told me how amazing kisses can be? I avoided kissing in my past relationships because they always sucked. KO's kisses sucked the life out of me; literally.

One thing led to another, and we ended up in his bedroom. Even in the heat of things, I still took time to notice how amazing the set up was. He must have spent a lot of time (and money) putting the entire place together. I'm rarely ever wowed by interior design in Nigeria, but this bachelor pad was everything and more! I'm usually very careful (and uncomfortable) when it comes to sex. But sex with KO was the most natural and comfortable experience. You know the song by Az Yet, 'I saw the sun, the moon, the mountain and the rivers... I saw heaven when I made sweet love to you'. That sums it up. He did things to me I never thought possible. I felt passion in parts of my body I didn't think could feel anything. He was amazing. KO. He literally knocked me out.

It was 5am when I finally made it back home. I saw the judgement on my maid's face, and was a little embarrassed. But I was very happy. I took a very brief nap, and it was time to get Laje to school.

KO. Oh my KO.

My next date with KO was a spa date. Yes, randomly in the middle of the week he reached out to me and asked if I was interested in getting a massage. Who wouldn't jump on such an offer? I was already in bed (lazy day), but I jumped right out and headed to Four Points. Does it count as a date though, since we got massages in separate rooms? I don't know.

Anyway, the first time I met him, he was wearing a suit. I knew he was kind of big, but I just thought it was fat (lol). The second time we hung out, he was wearing a white traditional kaftan (and looked so damn good in it). So imagine my surprise, when he walked into the Four Points lobby in a t-shirt and jogging pants, and each of his arms was the size of my thighs (okay, exaggeration). But he's like soooo fit! In fact, I started feeling a little self conscious, with the little pouch I carry around in my lower tummy. *Note to self: Enroll in a gym and get a personal trainer*.  Just staring at him made me a little shy, and if I were white he would have seen me turn pink; thanks to the naughty thoughts that ran through my head.

The massage was good, I really needed it. And then I showered and met him back at the lobby. He then asked if I wanted to grab a bite. And even though I wasn't hungry, I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to spend more time with him. So I said yes. And that's how we spent another two hours together. So get this - he started asking about my kids. Like he's actually interested and he paid attention to every little detail.

He walked me out to the parking lot, and then we got in my car together. We talked some more, and then he hugged me goodbye. And just before he got out of the passenger seat, he leaned in and gave me the best kiss of my life!!!

SERIOUSLY. I now get why people get so crazy about kisses. I've always wondered what the big deal was about kissing, but now I get it. Everytime I think about that kiss, there's this feeling I cannot describe deep down inside. Omg. What is this feeling? He did things to my with his tongue I can't even explain. Help! How could a kiss, a simple kiss, leave me feeling like this?