After our little episode, it seemed KO was trying very hard to prove a point. To show me I was more than just a friend. To prove to me that I was his woman. I woke up to text messages every morning where he called me the love of his life, his final bus-stop (lol), his everything, his woman, and more. KO. My KO. Even Laje started liking him.
Everytime I tired to leave her at home, or with my mom, she'd ask if I was going to see 'Mister' and if she could come with me. That girl! I have no clue why she decided to start calling him Mister. But that actually works for me. Because what is she to call him? Uncle KO? Mr. KO? Dad? Ok, I kid. Definitely not dad. Not just yet anyways.
How did I get so lucky? How is it that a guy in my own age group, a young guy, has accepted me with all my baggage?
Me, Fela, that was previously married to a married man that had a million other wives?
Me, Fela, with two children already?
Me, Fela, that accepted my fate that I would never find love?
How?
The other day, he suggested a movie date. And I got so excited, until he said the movie was at 3pm, and we were taking Laje. So really, it was a date for him and Laje to bond. I thought that was really sweet and cute. It was basically him establishing his place in our lives, and letting me know that he accepted me and the entire package I came with.
I used to pray for love. Now I pray more for protection. 'God please protect this man for me. Please keep him away from the vultures (you already know who they are). Please protect him from all harm. Please protect him from evil eyes. God please protect our relationship and what we have' This was now the theme of my prayers.
We started spending even more time together. He made it compulsory that we had breakfast together EVERY SINGLE DAY. So, I would drop Laje at school, and then head straight to his (or whatever cafe/restaurant we had agreed on) for breakfast. Only then, could I start my day. And one compulsory item on the breakfast menu everyday were his sweet kisses. KO. Oh, my KO. I keep waiting, and wondering when the honeymoon phase would end.
We have now reached month 10, and it is only getting deeper and better. We are opening up FULLY to each other. I opened up my soul to him, and his to me. I shared all my darkest secrets with him, secrets that I almost couldn't share even with my own self. He quite easily has become the center of my world, MY EVERYTHING. My friendships are suffering. I barely hav time to breathe. Between Laje, Jr, and KO, all my time is taken.
F.O.
6.24.2016
6.23.2016
KO. The Latest.
I guess it's not fair for me to start the story and not finish it. The last I spoke of KO was when he friendzoned me. And then I went super cold on him. He'd call, and I'd return his call after 24 hours. He'd send whatsapp messages, I'd reply after 5-6 hours. I was sha trying to show him. Like how could he friend zone me? ME? And I was't going to start asking him to define us. Like "what are we?", lol. I remember seeing some dumb post on BBM (you know them memes) of a girl asking a guy 'What are we?' His response? 'We are the chosen generation, called forth to show his excellence'. LMAO.
Anyways, after about a week of that treatment, and of avoiding seeing him, he showed up at my house. I was driving Laje to school, (I had given the security guards instructions to never let him in again, oops) when I saw his car parked right outside of my apartment building. At that point, I completely forgot about everything, and all sorts of emotions started running through me. I parked, and he came to my window.
KO: Fela. What's going on? I haven't been able to reach you on the phone. I send you whatsapp messages, you don't respond. Yet I can see that you're online on whatsapp.
Me: Nothing. I've just been very busy.
KO: Oh, come off it Fela. Let's be adults about this. If there's something up, say so. If you're not interested anymore, say so. But don't just leave me in limbo!
*I sensed he was getting upset. So I let my guard down a bit*
Me: Okay. I need to get Laje to school. We're already running late. Can we have coffee in about an hour at Cafe Neo on Adeyemi Lawson?
KO: Fine. But please don't stand me up.
Me: Whatevs. Bye.
I dropped Laje at school, made a few runs to sort somethings out, and then ran back to Ikoyi to meet KO at Cafe Neo. Of course I was late. I was a whole 30 minutes late. But I didn't do it intentionally this time. Even though I kind of liked how relieved he was when he finally saw me walk in.
KO: I was just about to pay my bill and leave. I had accepted that you weren't going to turn up.
Me: I'm sorry. It was actually beyond my control this time. It wasn't intentional.
KO: So, what exactly is up? Why have you suddenly gone so cold on me?
Me: You friendzoned me.
*At this point I was done playing games. I was ready to just lay all the cards on the table and just figure out what was or wasn't*
KO: Friendzoned? I don't get? How? When? Huh?
*The confusion was written all over his face. And at this point, I was starting to get confused too. Was he acting?*
Me: Don't you remember how someone asked of me and you told them YOUR FRIEND was fine?
KO: Huh?
Me: And then the next day, as if to emphasize your point, you called me your friend again while we were on the phone.
KO: You have to be kidding! This is why you've been acting up? Oh my goodness! Fela, I didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean it like that. You are my friend, yes. But you're also more than just a friend to me. And you can't deny that you know how special you are to me. I mean, we've practically spent every other day together, and all our weekends have been together too. How or why would I friendzone you?
Me: I dunno. Yoruba demon syndrome?
KO: Wow. I'm actually disappointed and I think you owe me an apology! Even if I did friendzone you, why didn't you call me out on it? I mean, we're both adults here! If this relationship is going to work, you need to be open about your feelings. If you feel something, express it.
*Oh, he just acknowledged our relationship? I started to get all warm inside*
Me: ....silence....
KO: Say something
Me: *smiling*.....silence.....
KO: We are back to this deaf and dumb thing? I guess it's safe to say we're starting afresh. FELA I HAVE MISSED YOU. I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
At this point, we hugged each other and refused to let go. It was a very long hug, and I got so emotional I started to cry. It was tears of joy. Because this guy was PERFECT for me. And it really hurt me, as much as I didn't admit it, when I thought it wouldn't work out with him.
KO: You know what? What are your plans for the rest of the day? Take the day off and spend the entire day with me. It's been too long. I can arrange for someone to go with your nanny to pick Laje from school. Please say yes. PLEASE say yes.
Me: I don't think I have much of a choice. Oya, let's go.
KO: Actually, ride with me. Let my driver drive your car back to yours. And he can take your nanny to Laje's school when it's time. Call her now to let her know. And call your security to let him in. Fela, did I ever treat you bad? How could you tell your security not to let me in?
Me: I'm sorry
KO: I've never been so humiliated by a woman in my life. And still, I parked there and waited for you.
Me: I'm sorry
KO: The guy didn't even say it outright. But with the way he was acting, I deduced that you had asked him not to let me in. Shame on you for putting him in such a situation. I guess because of of the one-one thousand naira he's been getting from me, he couldn't say such to me.
Me: I'm sorry noooooow. Can we not talk about the past again, and focus on the future?
KO: Deal. I like the sound of the future.
We went over to his place. And he catered to my every need. How did I get so lucky?
F.O.
Anyways, after about a week of that treatment, and of avoiding seeing him, he showed up at my house. I was driving Laje to school, (I had given the security guards instructions to never let him in again, oops) when I saw his car parked right outside of my apartment building. At that point, I completely forgot about everything, and all sorts of emotions started running through me. I parked, and he came to my window.
KO: Fela. What's going on? I haven't been able to reach you on the phone. I send you whatsapp messages, you don't respond. Yet I can see that you're online on whatsapp.
Me: Nothing. I've just been very busy.
KO: Oh, come off it Fela. Let's be adults about this. If there's something up, say so. If you're not interested anymore, say so. But don't just leave me in limbo!
*I sensed he was getting upset. So I let my guard down a bit*
Me: Okay. I need to get Laje to school. We're already running late. Can we have coffee in about an hour at Cafe Neo on Adeyemi Lawson?
KO: Fine. But please don't stand me up.
Me: Whatevs. Bye.
I dropped Laje at school, made a few runs to sort somethings out, and then ran back to Ikoyi to meet KO at Cafe Neo. Of course I was late. I was a whole 30 minutes late. But I didn't do it intentionally this time. Even though I kind of liked how relieved he was when he finally saw me walk in.
KO: I was just about to pay my bill and leave. I had accepted that you weren't going to turn up.
Me: I'm sorry. It was actually beyond my control this time. It wasn't intentional.
KO: So, what exactly is up? Why have you suddenly gone so cold on me?
Me: You friendzoned me.
*At this point I was done playing games. I was ready to just lay all the cards on the table and just figure out what was or wasn't*
KO: Friendzoned? I don't get? How? When? Huh?
*The confusion was written all over his face. And at this point, I was starting to get confused too. Was he acting?*
Me: Don't you remember how someone asked of me and you told them YOUR FRIEND was fine?
KO: Huh?
Me: And then the next day, as if to emphasize your point, you called me your friend again while we were on the phone.
KO: You have to be kidding! This is why you've been acting up? Oh my goodness! Fela, I didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean it like that. You are my friend, yes. But you're also more than just a friend to me. And you can't deny that you know how special you are to me. I mean, we've practically spent every other day together, and all our weekends have been together too. How or why would I friendzone you?
Me: I dunno. Yoruba demon syndrome?
KO: Wow. I'm actually disappointed and I think you owe me an apology! Even if I did friendzone you, why didn't you call me out on it? I mean, we're both adults here! If this relationship is going to work, you need to be open about your feelings. If you feel something, express it.
*Oh, he just acknowledged our relationship? I started to get all warm inside*
Me: ....silence....
KO: Say something
Me: *smiling*.....silence.....
KO: We are back to this deaf and dumb thing? I guess it's safe to say we're starting afresh. FELA I HAVE MISSED YOU. I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
At this point, we hugged each other and refused to let go. It was a very long hug, and I got so emotional I started to cry. It was tears of joy. Because this guy was PERFECT for me. And it really hurt me, as much as I didn't admit it, when I thought it wouldn't work out with him.
KO: You know what? What are your plans for the rest of the day? Take the day off and spend the entire day with me. It's been too long. I can arrange for someone to go with your nanny to pick Laje from school. Please say yes. PLEASE say yes.
Me: I don't think I have much of a choice. Oya, let's go.
KO: Actually, ride with me. Let my driver drive your car back to yours. And he can take your nanny to Laje's school when it's time. Call her now to let her know. And call your security to let him in. Fela, did I ever treat you bad? How could you tell your security not to let me in?
Me: I'm sorry
KO: I've never been so humiliated by a woman in my life. And still, I parked there and waited for you.
Me: I'm sorry
KO: The guy didn't even say it outright. But with the way he was acting, I deduced that you had asked him not to let me in. Shame on you for putting him in such a situation. I guess because of of the one-one thousand naira he's been getting from me, he couldn't say such to me.
Me: I'm sorry noooooow. Can we not talk about the past again, and focus on the future?
KO: Deal. I like the sound of the future.
We went over to his place. And he catered to my every need. How did I get so lucky?
F.O.
KO. The Latest.
I guess it's not fair for me to start the story and not finish it. The last I spoke of KO was when he friendzoned me. And then I went super cold on him. He'd call, and I'd return his call after 24 hours. He'd send whatsapp messages, I'd reply after 5-6 hours. I was sha trying to show him.
After about a week of that treatment, and of avoiding seeing him, he showed up at my house. I was driving Laje to school, (I had given the security guards instructions to never let him in again, oops) when I saw his car parked right outside of my apartment building. At that point, I completely forgot about everything, and all sorts of emotions started running through me. I parked, and he came to my window.
KO: Fela. What's going on? I haven't been able to reach you on the phone. I send you whatsapp messages, you don't respond. Yet I can see that you're online on whatsapp.
Me: Nothing. I've just been very busy.
KO: Oh, come off it Fela. Let's be adults about this. If there's something up, say so. If you're not interested anymore, say so. But don't just leave me in limbo!
*I sensed he was getting upset. So I let my guard down a bit*
Me: Okay. I need to get Laje to school. We're already running late. Can we have coffee in about an hour at Cafe Neo on Adeyemi Lawson?
KO: Fine. But please don't stand me up.
Me: Whatevs. Bye.
I dropped Laje at school, made a few runs to sort somethings out, and then ran back to Ikoyi to meet KO at Cafe Neo. Of course I was late. I was a whole 30 minutes late. But I didn't do it intentionally this time. Even though I kind of liked how relieved he was when he finally saw me walk in.
KO: I was just about to pay my bill and leave. I had accepted that you weren't going to turn up.
Me: I'm sorry. It was actually beyond my control this time. It wasn't intentional.
KO: So, what exactly is up? Why have you suddenly gone so cold on me?
Me: You friendzoned me.
*At this point I was done playing games. I was ready to just lay all the cards on the table and just figure out what was or wasn't*
KO: Friendzoned? I don't get? How? When? Huh?
*The confusion was written all over his face. And at this point, I was starting to get confused too. Was he acting?*
Me: Don't you remember how someone asked of me and you told them YOUR FRIEND was fine?
KO: Huh?
Me: And then the next day, as if to emphasize your point, you called me your friend again while we were on the phone.
KO: You have to be kidding! This is why you've been acting up? Oh my goodness! Fela, I didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean it like that. You are my friend, yes. But you're also more than just a friend to me. And you can't deny that you know how special you are to me. I mean, we've practically spent every other day together, and all our weekends have been together too. How or why would I friendzone you?
Me: I dunno. Yoruba demon syndrome?
KO: Wow. I'm actually disappointed and I think you owe me an apology! Even if I did friendzone you, why didn't you call me out on it? I mean, we're both adults here! If this relationship is going to work, you need to be open about your feelings. If you feel something, express it.
*Oh, he just acknowledged our relationship? I started to get all warm inside*
Me: ....silence....
KO: Say something
Me: *smiling*.....silence.....
KO: We are back to this deaf and dumb thing? I guess it's safe to say we're starting afresh. FELA I HAVE MISSED YOU. I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
At this point, we hugged each other and refused to let go. It was a very long hug, and I got so emotional I started to cry. It was tears of joy. Because this guy was PERFECT for me. And it really hurt me, as much as I didn't admit it, when I thought it wouldn't work out with him.
KO: You know what? What are your plans for the rest of the day? Take the day off and spend the entire day with me. It's been too long. I can arrange for someone to go with your nanny to pick Laje from school. Please say yes. PLEASE say yes.
Me: I don't think I have much of a choice. Oya, let's go.
KO: Actually, ride with me. Let my driver drive your car back to yours. And he can take your nanny to Laje's school when it's time. Call her now to let her know. And call your security to let him in. Fela, did I ever treat you bad? How could you tell your security not to let me in?
Me: I'm sorry
KO: I've never been so humiliated by a woman in my life. And still, I parked there and waited for you.
Me: I'm sorry
KO: The guy didn't even say it outright. But with the way he was acting, I deduced that you had asked him not to let me in. Shame on you for putting him in such a situation. I guess because of of the one-one thousand naira he's been getting from me, he couldn't say such to me.
Me: I'm sorry noooooow. Can we not talk about the past again, and focus on the future?
KO: Deal. I like the sound of the future.
We went over to his place. And he catered to my every need. How did I get so lucky?
F.O.
After about a week of that treatment, and of avoiding seeing him, he showed up at my house. I was driving Laje to school, (I had given the security guards instructions to never let him in again, oops) when I saw his car parked right outside of my apartment building. At that point, I completely forgot about everything, and all sorts of emotions started running through me. I parked, and he came to my window.
KO: Fela. What's going on? I haven't been able to reach you on the phone. I send you whatsapp messages, you don't respond. Yet I can see that you're online on whatsapp.
Me: Nothing. I've just been very busy.
KO: Oh, come off it Fela. Let's be adults about this. If there's something up, say so. If you're not interested anymore, say so. But don't just leave me in limbo!
*I sensed he was getting upset. So I let my guard down a bit*
Me: Okay. I need to get Laje to school. We're already running late. Can we have coffee in about an hour at Cafe Neo on Adeyemi Lawson?
KO: Fine. But please don't stand me up.
Me: Whatevs. Bye.
I dropped Laje at school, made a few runs to sort somethings out, and then ran back to Ikoyi to meet KO at Cafe Neo. Of course I was late. I was a whole 30 minutes late. But I didn't do it intentionally this time. Even though I kind of liked how relieved he was when he finally saw me walk in.
KO: I was just about to pay my bill and leave. I had accepted that you weren't going to turn up.
Me: I'm sorry. It was actually beyond my control this time. It wasn't intentional.
KO: So, what exactly is up? Why have you suddenly gone so cold on me?
Me: You friendzoned me.
*At this point I was done playing games. I was ready to just lay all the cards on the table and just figure out what was or wasn't*
KO: Friendzoned? I don't get? How? When? Huh?
*The confusion was written all over his face. And at this point, I was starting to get confused too. Was he acting?*
Me: Don't you remember how someone asked of me and you told them YOUR FRIEND was fine?
KO: Huh?
Me: And then the next day, as if to emphasize your point, you called me your friend again while we were on the phone.
KO: You have to be kidding! This is why you've been acting up? Oh my goodness! Fela, I didn't mean any harm. I didn't mean it like that. You are my friend, yes. But you're also more than just a friend to me. And you can't deny that you know how special you are to me. I mean, we've practically spent every other day together, and all our weekends have been together too. How or why would I friendzone you?
Me: I dunno. Yoruba demon syndrome?
KO: Wow. I'm actually disappointed and I think you owe me an apology! Even if I did friendzone you, why didn't you call me out on it? I mean, we're both adults here! If this relationship is going to work, you need to be open about your feelings. If you feel something, express it.
*Oh, he just acknowledged our relationship? I started to get all warm inside*
Me: ....silence....
KO: Say something
Me: *smiling*.....silence.....
KO: We are back to this deaf and dumb thing? I guess it's safe to say we're starting afresh. FELA I HAVE MISSED YOU. I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
At this point, we hugged each other and refused to let go. It was a very long hug, and I got so emotional I started to cry. It was tears of joy. Because this guy was PERFECT for me. And it really hurt me, as much as I didn't admit it, when I thought it wouldn't work out with him.
KO: You know what? What are your plans for the rest of the day? Take the day off and spend the entire day with me. It's been too long. I can arrange for someone to go with your nanny to pick Laje from school. Please say yes. PLEASE say yes.
Me: I don't think I have much of a choice. Oya, let's go.
KO: Actually, ride with me. Let my driver drive your car back to yours. And he can take your nanny to Laje's school when it's time. Call her now to let her know. And call your security to let him in. Fela, did I ever treat you bad? How could you tell your security not to let me in?
Me: I'm sorry
KO: I've never been so humiliated by a woman in my life. And still, I parked there and waited for you.
Me: I'm sorry
KO: The guy didn't even say it outright. But with the way he was acting, I deduced that you had asked him not to let me in. Shame on you for putting him in such a situation. I guess because of of the one-one thousand naira he's been getting from me, he couldn't say such to me.
Me: I'm sorry noooooow. Can we not talk about the past again, and focus on the future?
KO: Deal. I like the sound of the future.
We went over to his place. And he catered to my every need. How did I get so lucky?
F.O.
6.22.2016
Why do people cheat?
Until you find yourself there, it's easy to judge.
It's easy to label cheaters as bad people.
Until you find yourself there, and you can't figure out how you got there.
You don't even know how to retrace your footsteps.
You just know you're lost, and you keep sinking deeper and deeper into it. And there's no way out.
Until it all blows up in your face. And then you're sober.
Maybe some people who cheat are actually really just bad people [read: Yoruba demons].
However, I now believe that a lot of good people also get caught up in cheating.
Maybe it's because you can't get everything from one person.
Maybe it's because one person cannot be everything to you.
And rather than give them grief about it, you go elsewhere to find the balance.
And then one thing leads to another. And you find yourself in two parallel relationships, and don't know how to get out.
Because each of them is now filling two very distinct but important needs. And you feel like you cannot live without either of them.
Or because you're really a good person and you can't stomach breaking a heart.
So you lead them both on, hoping the situation eventually fixed itself.
Why do people cheat?
What is that overpowering need that we so desperately look to fill?
FO.
It's easy to label cheaters as bad people.
Until you find yourself there, and you can't figure out how you got there.
You don't even know how to retrace your footsteps.
You just know you're lost, and you keep sinking deeper and deeper into it. And there's no way out.
Until it all blows up in your face. And then you're sober.
Maybe some people who cheat are actually really just bad people [read: Yoruba demons].
However, I now believe that a lot of good people also get caught up in cheating.
Maybe it's because you can't get everything from one person.
Maybe it's because one person cannot be everything to you.
And rather than give them grief about it, you go elsewhere to find the balance.
And then one thing leads to another. And you find yourself in two parallel relationships, and don't know how to get out.
Because each of them is now filling two very distinct but important needs. And you feel like you cannot live without either of them.
Or because you're really a good person and you can't stomach breaking a heart.
So you lead them both on, hoping the situation eventually fixed itself.
Why do people cheat?
What is that overpowering need that we so desperately look to fill?
FO.
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